he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
