What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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