Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
