I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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