I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
