We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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