"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
