New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
