My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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