6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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