Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
