If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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