By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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