Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
