I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
