You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
