Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I AM VODKA MAN
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
