she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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