You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
