Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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