I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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