it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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