are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
