first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
