You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
