I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
