All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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