yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
