Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
