so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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