i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
