Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
