I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
