You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
