We got so high we made milksteak
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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