well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
