So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
