you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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