So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
