allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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