just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
