ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You've changed since you got that strap on
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
