Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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