rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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