this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
