You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
