Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
