I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sorry my hands just texted you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
