At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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