She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
