You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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